Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Sorry, no freebies...

Normally I like to keep things light and fun but I guess I can't really do that today. Its one of those days that makes it difficult to be happy and I think I'm going to just put it down (or out) here for cathartic reasons. If you would prefer the freebies, don't worry, they will be back. I don't like to be like this for long and hopefully I won't.

I'm so down because my wonderful life has been slowly fading away for the past couple of years and last night was just a real scary night. My DH lost his job on Wall Street a little over two years ago and we have been living off of our savings. He opened a business, a chocolate store, and we just can't seem to catch a break. Sales are not what we were hoping they would be and we are going deeper into debt than out of... sighhhhh.

Last night, DH was so depressed that it literally hurt my heart. If there is such a thing as an empath, I would be pretty close to it. Whatever someone else is feeling, is what I am feeling. I just wanted to hug him and hold him and cry but he just wants to stand there and stare at the wall.... its just one of those kinda days... well, years really.

I am not going to say that we are not blessed because we are very, very blessed! My DD is the absolute best thing in the whole wide world and we have each other and knock on wood our health.... we better have that since we don't have any insurance! (Thankfully DD does!)

OK,I'm not going to go on and on, its just not productive but I just had to get some of it out. Its just one of those days... sighhhh.

And for those of you who hung in there and read my heart thats out here on the web, I promise I'll be having a wonderful new Christmas alpha coming soon!

Big Hugs to all my friends!


Anonymous said...

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Don't worry, God is watching over you and He has a plan. Hope your days get brighter and you can create and SMILE.-Sandy

Mrs. Miles said...

Wow - its hard to keep positive sometimes... sometimes its impossible. I can't know your pain, though my DH and I went through a financially devastating time in our lives too, and it has been a long battle back. We still don't have much but we are grateful for what we have, and mostly for having each other and our faith. If its any comfort, the things of REAL lasting value, are the things we learned to DO while *broke*... we made things for each other and learned how to create - not just buy. We learned how to be humbled by the generosity and love of others. Some folks never 'get' to experience this. Thanks for sharing.

Beth said...

I agree wholeheartedly with Mrs Miles. The happiest times looking back in my life was when my family (husband\myself\children) were dirt poor.
I can't say that I never worried over things, I did, but, we were tight as a family.
Green beans and malto meal made for a pretty good dinner at times my kids thought, bless their hearts, they were too young to fully realize that it was out of neccessity and not a treat.
Through the years DH climbed up the financial ladder but if I could, I would go back to the early years- just to have that same closeness that we had when we were a poor, close, tight-knit family unit, hanging in there, together.

My heart goes out to you .. I know how painful it is to see our loved one(s) hurting and feeling completely powerless to "fix it".
It's heart breaking.
I've had to learn to simply hand things over to God, do what I can then give the rest over to Him.
And to this day, I am still learning to do that.

In my case, it's one of my sons.
The only hope I have is in knowing that, no matter how deeply I love him, God loves him even more, as impossible as that may seem, and wants what is good for him.
His life is spiraling terribly out of control but nothing I say or do is helping, I'm powerless to fix it.
I've handed my son and the situation over to God because I don't know what else to do, but God, in His infinate wisdom, He knows.
I'll never give up on my son, I know he is destined for better things, a better life, and I'll continue fighting the fight.

Your post was very thought provoking, thank you for sharing.

Danielle said...

Don't know that I can add to the truths above - but know there are people out there who care, and who are hoping that things lighten up for you soon.

Audrey said...

Dear Rebecca (and family!),

What a heart wrenching time for all of you - in different ways for each of you. Psalm 23 mentions the valley and that God is with us during the valleys. May He comfort and strengthen you and your family during this difficult trial. A quote my DH mentions to me, "our trials are often our greatest blessings in disguise." May this be true for you (although you might not see that for some time).

May He hold you in His everlasting arms (The eternal God is your refuge,And underneath are the everlasting arms - Deut 33:27a).